Men are talking, let's listen and learn

"People experience symptoms, not a diagnosis" - Matteo Grassi

Matteo is a tech innovator living with bipolar disorder, and his words are a great reminder that bipolar is a description, not an identity. He's currently building a community for other people living with bipolar and I am proud to know someone also seeing the importance of curating safe spaces for the heavy stuff.

Here are the main stories in mental health this week:

• MPs blame NACADA for muguka crisis
• Police look into multiple suicide cases
• More mental health advocacy for children

TRUE STORY

Existing in gendered harmony

Nine months later I'm a certified Gender Changemaker. Although "gender equality" should improve both men and women, its execution often leans towards helping women as a response to years of exclusion and frames men as allies to the cause. This can decenter men to their pain and successes overlooking the massive role they still play in shaping society.

As a long-time activist, I try not to let anger towards oppressive men keep me from supporting good ones who've expanded my life. There's a "gender blindness" I'm adopting to simply marvel at humans who inspire me so I only apply a gender lens when it's relevant. You'll see how later when I cover men grieving their deceased children.

For now, here are two WaitingRoom champions I admire.

Reece and Lucy Charles-Barclay

Both competitive swimmers, Reece and Lucy felt they needed a new challenge and successfully did their first IRONMAN race (swim, bike, run) in 2014. Years later, Lucy holds multiple world titles and Reece organises the training camps that have made her quickly dominant and only getting better. This weekend she won IRONMAN France Nice to defend her 2023 world championship in September — she came in 2nd place four times before winning the title last year.

Lucy's stamina has me training high-intensity for an hour now and I know Reece nurtures it by competing with her to push her to perform in low-stakes settings. After winning her first world title, she thanked him for telling her to only carry the dress she'd wear on the podium so that she had no choice but to win. He's not an ally, he's part of the engine and that doesn't take away from Lucy's success.

It's possible to exist in secure exciting gendered harmony and I hope to highlight such stories here.

NEWS

The week's top stories

• MPs blame NACADA for muguka crisis: Sotik MP Francis Sigei asked for scientific information to speed up legislation that bans muguka. However, NACADA boss, Anthony Omerikwa, stated they're merely a regulator that depends on the law which classifies miraa and muguka in the same category.
• Police look into multiple suicide cases: 53-year-old Kimunyu, 29-year-old Wilfred and constable Kipkemei recently died by suicide. The police report at least three suicide cases involving officers every month so they've established a counselling unit to support them through the daily risks of their job.
• More mental health advocacy for children: Margaret Njihia, a clinical psychologist believes distressed children are products of difficult environments. "We have physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. Children growing up in households with chronic illness, violence or mental illness are particularly vulnerable," she said. Shamiri Institute developed an arts literacy intervention aimed at reducing depression and anxiety in youth with promising results.

PAUSE

TRIAGE

Grieving men also need support

“When I pick up the phone [the KRCS toll-free helpline: 1199] and I hear a man on the other end of the line, I always open the conversation with congratulating him for calling – a suicide-threatened man calling for help is facing a lot of discrimination." - Soony Wendy, Counseling Psychologist at Red Cross

In two editions now we've mentioned six men who've died by suicide knowing there are many more cases but how can we help beforehand? Two dads share what it's like to grieve their dead children alone.

When David Wanjala's pregnant wife began spotting, he sensed they had lost the baby. Doctors recommended surgery and after the stress of fundraising and accidentally feeding her before the surgery, he was left grieving his dead son and nearly losing his wife. Yet, when people visited their home, they often only comforted his wife and the couple itself struggled with intimacy isolating David further.

What seemed like a healthy pregnancy turned into a death two days after delivery for Lukase Libamira and his wife. Some relatives criticised him and just like David, visitors comforted his wife while he fixed snacks and tea for them. Grieving his son was lonely and confusing and his marriage was also on the brink of collapse.

Support groups save the day

Both men turned to grief support groups where they realised they were not alone and in Lukase's case, his presence encouraged other women to invite their husbands to the sessions.

There's a misconception that men aren't in tune with their emotions and thus don't know how to share, I used to think the same. However, gender socialisation towards future responsibilities like caregiving and provision means we may have developed different communication styles over time.

What's the solution? Learning these "foreign languages" to create even better ones and support groups provide safe spaces for exactly this. I attend Bipolar UK's monthly national support group and they also have a men's, women's and family & friends support group here.

QUICK

One-liners

• Let's talk about suicide in church [Nation]
• What men can do to maintain a healthy sex life [CNN]
• Ask Dr Njenga: Teens seek help from arguing parents [Business Daily]
• Kenya Red Cross launches initiatives to tackle mental health [KBC]

REGION

Mental Health in Africa

[UG] Free talk therapy ramped up to combat mental health crisis: Mental Health Uganda has launched a toll-free helpline to provide free talk therapy and support. They're specifically encouraging open conversations on suicides and the loved ones left behind. [Nile Post]

[TZ] Mwananchi Communications marks Father's Day with mental health awareness campaign: The organisation committed to spotlighting people's stories and held a session for the men on their team to normalise seeking support for mental health struggles. [The Citizen]

[RW] How do genocide ex-prisoners fit into society? The Rwanda Civil Society Platform proposed psychosocial support for prisoners, victims, and the community delivered before the prisoner is released as well as vocational training and financial support. [The New Times]

[RW] How poetry serves as a healing tool for mental issues: “At first, it was just a way to empty my mind, to make sense of the chaos inside me. But as days turned into weeks, I noticed writing down my feelings was slowly healing me,” Corneille Mwuzuro is one of many poets sharing what it does for him. [The New Times]

ACTIVISM

Men's Mental Health Awareness Month

While in gender school, I didn't resonate with the term "masculinist work environment" because pursuing goals calls for discipline and sacrifice to varying degrees. Something everyone can possess but that we can especially learn from men who are socialised to be providers.

Matteo's post below is a window into daily worries that the man staring back at you in a conversation may also be going through. When they share their opinion, are you monitoring their tone or listening to understand? Creating spaces where no one has to censor themselves encourages continuous dialogue.

Matteo Grassi on LinkedIn: I wake up at 5 am because I am bipolar in a hypomanic phase. I wait for…

I wake up at 5 am because I am bipolar in a hypomanic phase. I wait for my teenage daughter to wake up I make her breakfast and school lunch. Get her to…

LinkedInMatteo Grassi

As a child, I learned caregivers may not always help so I had to practice self-sufficiency and battled suicide ideation into adulthood. That resilience has carried me through multiple chronic illnesses, financial strain and academic challenges but not without scars to heal from. I frequently resonate with some men's experiences so let me know how I can improve this newsletter for you.

Until we meet again.

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